


Faith Is For Suckers

by littlewonder



Series: Faith [3]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 17:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: Wilson dies, and House follows him to oblivion.





	Faith Is For Suckers

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to [LJ](https://littlewonder2.livejournal.com/31988.html)

"If... you were to watch me die," said Wilson, "you'd go through the stages of grief. Which means, inevitably, you'd eventually wind up on acceptance."

"I don't want to accept it. You'll be dead. Living while you're dead would just be pointless. I'd feel like... I'd start to hate myself the way everyone else does."

"That's stage two of grief: anger."

"Just because you think you see something in me, doesn't mean it's there --"

"You've always told me that the reason that you like me is because I'm not boring," accused Wilson. "But it obviously can't be the only reason you like me, because just failing to be boring wouldn't drive you to kill yourself over me. I mean, there are always gonna be other not-boring people in the world. I know you have some trouble with letting go, but just because you're angry now, doesn't mean you always will be."

Wilson paused, narrowing his eyes at House. "We still have five months together, give or take. If I can make you accept my death by then, you can live."

"Without you? I'd just be miserable."

"You're always miserable. But I think you're thinking of stage four: depression. Do you really not see yourself ever moving past this? If this were Cameron --"

"I'm not her."

"No, but Cameron did go through this before, and you helped her through --"

"He was a patient. And Cameron's..."

"What? Not you? Fair point, but still --"

"Stop trying to talk me out of this! You didn't seem to want to accept it when Amber was dying, what makes you think I will when you die?"

Wilson paused on that, aware that House was comparing him and Amber to him and House. The only reason he didn't say anything was because of the sex they'd already had after they'd gotten here.

He sighed. "You were... right, about Amber. And I'm right about you. You're not dying, House, and I don't want you to. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Stop asking me that --"

"Because you usually only care for yourself. Cuddy couldn't handle that about you; and frankly I'm surprised I can. But these last few months aren't about you. Even you admitted that when you offered me to do anything I want in the time I have left. You're willing to do for me what you're not willing to do for anybody else. So why suddenly aren't you willing to do those things for you?

"After I die, why not take another five months off to do what you want to do before you die?"

"Because then you win," said House. "Taking ten months off of working may just be enough to get over you enough not to commit suicide over you. I don't deserve --"

"Forget about what you deserve!" cried Wilson. "Since when did you ever care? You are punishing yourself because I'm dying! Why?"

House glared at him, those bright blue eyes saying more than House ever would. Wilson could see that he was angry at Wilson for getting cancer, for leaving him to his misery. House had always been miserable, but at least he wasn't alone.

And if he was alone... "House..." said Wilson. "I..." He was out of words. He just hoped he could get House to see the light, or if nothing else, the colours of the world he'd never seen before, before it was too late.

\--

House had stayed with Wilson over his wild escapades, months in hospital by his side, and a rollercoaster of emotions over Wilson as he worked through the five stages.

Wilson's last moment was blinded by tears, as his life came to a close over House's fourth stage, depression. He knew House was going to die, and his last moment was filled with nothing but pain.

House knew how much it hurt Wilson. But he couldn't allow himself to live, whether Wilson wanted it or not. He had changed. His faith was filled in the knowledge that Wilson was dead, that that fate was inevitable, and that House's death would finally complete the circle of his life.

He teetered over the edge of the bridge, just as though he were about to bungee off. But that wasn't what this was. There was a dark edge to this final end, hidden under the cooling breeze and the fluttering of his heart.

A final leap of faith. And then after that, nothing.

Wilson's voice resounded in his head, telling him not to do this. Wilson would. He knew, the image told him, that he was full of shit to do this. "You're an ass," it told him, one last time.

Too bad faith is for suckers. He jumped into oblivion.


End file.
